Closing In
by Xyliette
Summary: A Derek one shot directly following him leaving the apartment the night of the affair. Implied Derek/Addison.


**A/N: This is cross-posted over at gafanfic as well. Kind of dark, but I thought it was worth exploring. Enjoy!**_**  
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_**It's just like him **_

_**To wander off in the evergreen park **_

_**Slowly searching For any sign of the ones he used to love **_

_**He says he's got nothing left to live for (He says he's got nothing left)**_

_**And this time I think you'll know --Saosin "You're Not Alone"**_

He meant it when he said he felt sick when he looked at her. Normally he reserved the feeling for himself when his reflection caught a mirror but this time it seems that the glass is flipped and she is all he could drink in. Her disheveled appearance as her trembling hands apprehensively reach up to touch his hair is an image that haunts him as his feet hit the sidewalk. Hands that used to belong to him now leave him with a gut wrenchingly nauseated feeling. He sees visions of the tears that mix with the rain water running slowly down her defined face. The face that used to reassure him now only fills him with anguish.

Sick is currently happening about half a block away, where he has managed to stumble while trying not to cry in the middle of the street. He feels blindsided as he heaves the contents of an already empty stomach into an overflowing trashcan near the park. His mind is reeling and his heart is aching as he steps onto the all too familiar concrete.

Central Park is not exactly safe after nightfall, and perhaps not even the best place during the day but right now he already feels dead inside so he chances it and plows forward. As he thinks about the awful scene he happened upon about half an hour ago his heart sinks a little deeper into his chest. He needs a plan because everywhere he turns he sees her. His wife with his best friend. The image is concreted into his memory as he quickly takes a bench when a bout of dizziness proves to be too difficult to manage.

He is staring ahead and can only see what is behind him. Into the black the screen fills with pictures of his long time brother on top of his long time wife. He tries hard not to notice the position, or how they are looking at one another as he quietly walks into his room to meet his fate. He tries not to hear the screams that radiate out of her flushed lips as they once did for him long ago. Too long ago. He stands again unconsciously toying with his wedding band. As the reflection of a street lamp nearby bounces off of the gold he sees his friends hands tangled in his wife's hair. He sees her eyes finally lock with his as her moans die in her throat and Mark is caught off guard by another's presence in the comforting room.

As the rain picks up he lets his tears fall freely. He can't believe it turned out like this. The two best things in his life betrayed in one swift, and from what he can tell, enjoyable moment. He hands his ring to a bum who is trying to shield himself with a flap from a cardboard box. He sheds his coat, tie, suit jacket, shirt, and belt because they were all from her. She bought all of these things and right now, in this moment, he needs anything but a reminder of his wife. He slowly twists his watch around his wrist and decides that he no longer cares to keep track of the time. He removes it slowly and takes a good last look at his favorite gift from her before handing it over. He stands in front of the grateful man and considers taking off his shoes but thinks better of it because he has a long night of walking yet ahead.

Standing in his rain drenched undershirt, with the moisture from the sky mixing in with the saline tears that have taken a permanent occupancy on his stubble he decides that he has to go. He sees her everywhere. She is New York. He has a memory with her everywhere in this town and it is time to go. He begins his long walk to the hospital knowing that she will go in to work tomorrow, nothing affects her job, and this has to happen now. Something has to change. Something has to be done so that the weight crushing his chest will be lifted and his normal breathing pattern can finally be resumed. He is washing his hands clean of it all. No more him, no more her. They are dead as far as he is concerned because it is simply too painful to deal with. His rather hasty decision to leave would have been something that could change him irrevocably; but that is dependant upon him knowing who he is right now. The man that is staring back up at him from the puddle his ridiculously expensive (and mind you demanded upon by his wife) loafers just splashed through is someone he has never seen before. He is about to go meet this man who gazes back with saddened eyes and start his life over. 


End file.
